Fortune 500-Adjacent™ Company
At Monochromacy, we don't just disrupt industries — we disrupt the very concept of disruption itself. We're business-pilled, innovation-forward, and agility-positive. That's the Monochromacy way.
Who We Are
Monochromacy was founded on a single, immutable truth: most companies are doing it wrong. Not completely wrong — just wrong enough that we could do it worse and call it a differentiator.
Our leadership team brings together decades of combined experience in industries we'd rather not name, and our culture has been described by departing employees as "genuinely confusing." We wear that as a badge of honor.
Thought Leadership
When our employees told us they'd rather continue working remotely than come back to the office, we hired a team of mercenaries to bring them back in anyways.
That's the Monochromacy way.
Today we announced our org-wide NPC bounty initiative. If an employee can prove that one of their colleagues is an NPC, that employee will receive a week of PTO & a unique Monochromacy NFT.
Insecurity, that's the Monochromacy way.
We have preemptively leaked all our company's data as part of our 2023 risk mitigation strategy. TIN's, SSN's, EIN's, our Wi-Fi password, the whole deal.
Transparency, that's the Monochromacy way.
To whoever stole our Xerox VersaLink C500 laser printer, we know who you are and we will find you.
At Monochromacy, being #agile is a critical part of our business's success. That's why every morning our employees complete a NATO standardized obstacle course before starting the day.
That's the Monochromacy way.
Here at Monochromacy.co, our employees come first. That's why once a month each of our team members is allowed to swear under their breath during a client meeting.
That's the Monochromacy way.
When we remodeled our office, our contractor asked if we had any specific requirements. We simply said: Make it like a casino. We don't want them to know what time it is or how to get out.
That's the Monochromacy way.
We fired our data engineer. They proposed we use data and analytics to better inform our decision making. But at Monochromacy we know better. Once you give the computers that kind of power, that's how Skynet happens. Not on our watch.
Year to date, 17 of our employees have been thrown under the bus. 9 survived with minor injuries, 6 were considered to be in critical condition and 2 are no longer with us.
That's the Monochromacy way.
We just sent seven pallets of raw carrots to one of our autoparts manufacturing customers for absolutely no reason at all.
Unpredictability, that's the Monochromacy way.
At Monochromacy we take our analysis and research to the next level. When we take a deep dive, we mean it literally... we recently purchased a submarine and everything.
(We wear sailor outfits, it's fun.)
That's the Monochromacy way.
We're ecstatic to announce Shannon Miller will be joining our executive team as our Chief Lasagna Officer. Although her background is in finance, she once was a server at an Olive Garden in South Dakota, and based solely on that factoid alone we were sold!
Welcome Shannon!
What We've Built
Our innovation pipeline is constantly evolving. Some of what we've built is real. Some of it exists only in the Monochromacy Ideation Metaspace™. We'll let you decide which is which. (We've also labeled them, so it's fine.)
Why wait for hackers to expose your sensitive data when you can do it yourself, on your own schedule, with full branding? PreachBreachPro™ lets you preemptively leak your own company data in a controlled, aesthetically pleasing format.
Our proprietary submarine-based analytics platform. Data scientists in sailor outfits conduct research at depths of up to 200 meters. Insights are delivered via underwater telegraph. The latency is terrible but the aesthetic is immaculate.
A full workplace design consultancy specializing in casino-style office environments. No clocks. No windows. No exits visible. Employees stay focused because they genuinely cannot find the door. Productivity up 40%.*
*Unverified.
Start every workday the NATO way. Our morning obstacle course program gets employees physically and mentally prepared for their 9am standups. Available in Standard, Extreme, and "We're Being Audited" difficulty settings.
A B2B surprise delivery service. We send raw carrots (or other produce TBD) to your clients for no reason whatsoever. Keeps relationships fresh. Keeps clients guessing. Keeps our pallet inventory moving. Everybody wins, mostly us.
Our AI-powered employee screening tool that identifies non-player characters within your workforce. Uses behavioral biometrics, dialogue pattern analysis, and vibes. Bounties issued upon confirmation. HR loves it (HR does not love it).
Merchandise Division
Soon, you'll be able to represent Monochromacy in your daily life — at the office, at the obstacle course, or while disposing of your own company's data. Our merch line is currently in development. Or "ideation." We're not sure which stage this is.
"That's the Monochromacy Way" Tee
$TBD
NPC Bounty Hunter Cap
$TBD
Sailor Outfit (Deep Dive Edition)
$TBD
Carrot Logistics™ Tee
$TBD